I believe what we embody they absorb, what we live they learn
Welcome to my little corner of the internet
Hi I'm Kelly
"If we don’t know what we don’t know, and we can’t use what we are not aware of, how can we help ourselves to change the way we feel, the way we we think, the decisions we make and the actions we take? "
The serious part before I start talking about unicorns and magpies...
I have lived most of my life living in fear and feeling unsafe. This led to me shutting down, feeling numb, disconnected, overthinking, trying to control so much in life, anxious, depressed and quite frankly feeling trapped in my head, not present. Feeling isolated, strange, un loveable, not "good enough", rejected, a failure, a bad mum.. (don't worry there is light at the end of this story!)
This was even before I had entered Perimenopause, which now I realise had started long before I had acknowledged it..
Hindsight - a wonderful phenomena... Perimenopause (which had started much earlier than I was aware) gave me the gift of enlightenment and reflection, but it also gave me the gift of the darkest U-bend of my life.
All that I thought "I was" and all that I thought "what is", turned out to be not to necessarily be all true.
If I'd of had a mentor that told me I might want to buckle up for the ride of my life for the "veil" to be removed, I may have been better prepared and not made some monumental mistakes and choices, but alas I can not turn back the clock.
I may have realised that learning about emotional and mindset tools was going to be essential to process and alleviate this sense of shame that there was something wrong with me. I truly believed I was broken.
Perimenopause for me isn't (at the moment) really about the physical symptoms (apart from my knees!) and I reckon I'm about half way in, it was the emotional and mental car crash... I was so busy trying to "save" everyone else and people please, I didn't have a clue how to help myself. Could I really put my hand up at my age to say I needed help? Wouldn't that make me a fraud of all that I had been helping others with??
The years of unprocessed trauma came flooding in and as much as I tried to wedge the gates shut and return to sticking my head in the sand like an ostrich, the force was too strong - I was forced to feel what I had been running aware from all my life.
Feelings of shame, regret, rejection...aware that I had been living on the outskirts of life surviving and not knowing how to be fully present or truly live and enjoy life, until now... (and full disclaimer I am still learning every day, I definitely do not have it all figured out, living the goddess life - sorry to disappoint!).
My vision - no mum left behind. Perimerrymums mentoring younger mums, imagine the wisdom and nurturing that we could pass back, gifts that would not only help us but future generations...
Sorry if you are reading this now I haven't finished this part yet but will be in the next few days!